We had some spectacular weather here last Friday that had some people really complaining. I didn't mind. I wore sandals to work. I took a walk to the farmer's market and got flowers. I liked it.
Saturday the "natural air conditioning" kicked in. The fog rolled in and stayed all day. Cool. But did it have to stay in all day? Couldn't we at least have sun for a few hours? On our day off?????
We had sun again on Sunday, and again Monday although it was windy and there was lots of dust/pollen floating around. Today it was better: sun, no wind, warm but cool enough. Not that I spend much time outside. But that's cool.
So it's been hard to blog. I've been...busy. I'm getting ready for my big party. I've gone through my address book, sent invitations, remembered (Jeez!) that I forgot someone, lingered over the names of people who've moved away or died. I miss them. I miss my kids. They're both so far away. And this is the first time...blah, blah, blah. You already know about that. I just miss 'em, you know?
And I miss Gayle. Last year we walked around together in the early morning dropping little green invitations around the neighborhood. This year...no Gayle. Did it alone. Doing a lot of things alone these days. Really thinking a lot about the best friend thing. But I'm cool. Just a little blue. Some days bluer than others.
But on Thursday I will be green. Not green with envy or feeling ill. But raucously, blatantly, proudly, celebratorially GREEN.
By then most of this:
will be in here:
and it will be appropriately festooned.
This load of garden crap:
will have gone to the dump.
Schatzi, Zelda, and Snooty will be on an overnight at the doggie hotel and spa. Corned beef will be simmering in a 40-quart pot on the stove, cabbage in another 20-quarter, the oven will be full of baked potatoes, and helpful friends will be slicing homemade irish soda bread. We will break a pinata. We will sing about those we've lost, and those who are far away in foreign lands. We will be corny and mushy and probably sing late into the night.
So honestly, I've been blue but I've also been thinking of how cool things are. For instance, on the same day last week I received these from Guys Who Mean A Lot To Me:
I have had time over the last couple of weeks to finish three items for the Dulaan project:
Cool? Naw, WARM.
But what I'm really trying to work myself around to writing about is how cool I think my kids are. Sure, I miss them, but both of them are stretching themselves - way far away from what is comfortable for them. Eva has this gift for languages. She has the ear. She studied Spanish in middle school. At thirteen she started studying Japanese (she still does - on her own). At fourteen she invented a language. Then when she studied French, she would get bored in class and translate the lesson into Japanese. At sixteen she lived in Japan for a year. She studied Hindi when she was in London. Now she's learning Chinese in China. When she was in high school, I can remember thinking she was a lot like one of those interesting girls I always envied when I was in high school. Quirky? Yes, but so incredibly cool. I was never that cool. And there is nobody else I'd rather watch a movie with than Eva.
And Owen? He's cool, too. An interesting combination of very sensitive and very practical. The kind of guy who will ask for directions. Or ask for help when he's looking for something in a store. And sensitive in a good way, not a girly-man way. He takes his committments seriously and follows through. And he seems to feel comfortable talking to anyone. Even grownups. And now he's off studying German in Germany and reading The Golden Compass and A Clockwork Orange - in German. He's so cool he's cold.
Oh, I could tell you stories. Silly stories, funny pee-in-your-pants stories, stories of frustration and angst, sad stories, adventure stories, unbelievable stories, and many more believable and familiar stories. But we've all got stories about our kids and jeez, I started this yesterday morning and it's almost tomorrow.
I guess what is most important is that I miss them both.
But I want them to live their lives not mine. I have what I need. I may not always have what I want. But that's life and I'm living it. I'm cool.